No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
