just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
