I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
