two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize