omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
