Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
