I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
