Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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