this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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