Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
