you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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