i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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