Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
