New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
