How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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