this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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