i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
