you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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