bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
