Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
