I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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