Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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