Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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