Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
