Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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