i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
