she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
