i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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