how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
