I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
