i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
