do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
