He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
