i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize