the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
