Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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