Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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