Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I want is dick and wine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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