best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i out mim tonsoeep
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
