just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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