i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
