I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
