maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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