I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
