Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
