i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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