I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish i was in the wii world.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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