I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
