Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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