he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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