It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
