Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So many bounce houses so little time
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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