You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
