I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
