Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
