Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
