We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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