Buhtt sex?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
