so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
