I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize