I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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