I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
