I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You can't just leave with hair like that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
