is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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