Im at strip club and am horny
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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