Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
MIDGETS
????
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
