this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
